Parenting from the Teen Perspective

I want to share what I experienced the last two weeks. As I spoke to students last week the subject of parents kept coming up. Two groups independently wanted to address the topic and so we did. As we talked I realized that the students needed to get this out, so we continued the discussion this week.

The topic of parents is not an easy one to address. As a new parent myself I have already made many mistakes and had to apologize even to my 3 year old about my inability as a parent (specifically, getting angry over nothing and not handling things correctly). As I sought to help these students vent their frustrations, I hoped to help focus them as well on what would be helpful for them to know about dealing with parents.

Here are the questions that I used to help lead the discussion:
What is your purpose in life?
What is your parents purpose for your life?
What things are your parents doing to help you succeed?
What about things that are in the way of you succeeding?
What would you do differently than your parents have done?
How do you deal with not being able to control your parents?
What can you learn from situations you are in with your parents?

In order to not make this too long I will hit the highlights.

The first thing I noticed was that about half of the students have at least an idea of what their “purpose” is. All I wanted them to do was think about the possibility of a purpose for their life and several had. The sad thing was almost all of those said their parents had a different plan for their life than what they were thinking and that the ones that couldn’t verbalize a purpose did know what their parents plan was. Don’t get me wrong this isn’t all bad. I think it is great for these parents to let their kids know their expectations. The problem is, the fact that teens didn’t know what they wanted to do themselves says to me that parents don’t ask that either, they just tell what they want.

Secondly, almost all of the students could come up with ideas for what they would do different from their parents. The problem is that most of them will not follow through. Why is that? I believe because they don’t think they really can or don’t see any reason to (goes back to the purpose question.) They will do what many of us do and fall back into what we know. So how do we change that? Teen Lifeline is hoping that these groups and in the future working with parents will stop the cycle of bad parenting and start helping the next generations know how to parent well.

Finally, I have a question. How do we balance the fact that teens are immature but yet need to grow up? I believe this balance is possible by having a mix of boundaries and responsibilities that teenagers know and accept. This is complicated when you have multiple teens and the boundaries and responsibilities needs to be different for each one. That is why it is up to the parents and why Teen Lifeline is looking for ways to help equip parents to have the tools they need to find that right balance.

As I have been doing these groups about parents I have also been reading a good book about parenting. It is called The Space Between by Walt Mueler. Take the time to find it at a store or on Amazon.com and then read it or something like it. It will help you be a better parent and may even help your kids be better teenagers. Allowing you both to Live Life Better.

Columbine Redemption

Well I am finally sitting down to write a blog about our Columbine Redemption event this past Saturday night. For starters here are some comments I heard after the event was over, (not necessarily quoted word for word)

“WOW, that was awesome!”

“We really need to have this at our school.”

“When is Darrell coming back?”

“What an amazing story!”

“I wish more people had been here to hear this.”

Well you just may get your chance. TL is already looking at the possibility of bringing a speaker from CR back to the area in the fall. In order to pull this off we need to get people on board sooner than later, so if you are interested in being involved leave a comment and let me know.

As for the evening, it was great! We had a good crowd and Darrell, of course, shared an amazing story. I have already posted in an earlier blog about what I heard at Richland High School Rachel’s Challenge Assembly but I want to share what stood out this time just the same.

Here are just a couple of highlights from this presentation. First, Darrell is amazing to listen to. To think that he, as a father, is able to share their story (the story of the death of his daughter) is amazing. His strength, or as he would say his weakness and strength in Christ, is amazing to see and hear. Second, I love that he only shares facts and truths from his own story. He does not make judgements on the shooters, he does not share frustrations he faced toward media or administration, etc. He only shares the faith that Rachel has and how it has impacted his family, in successes and failures. Third, is simply Rachel’s amazing faith. She exemplified what it is to be a Christian, even befriending a very anti-religious (self-proclaimed) student that would argue with almost anyone else…except Rachel.

These just a few, there is so much more. If you get a chance you definitely want to see a presentation by Columbine Redemption, you NEED to take it. If you have a chance and you don’t take someone with you, you will regret it and eagerly wait for the next opportunity you have to share it with someone, anyone, who hasn’t heard it.

If you have the time check out there website to learn more, here it is again www.columbineredemption.com. Or search YouTube and search for Rachel’s Challenge.

Side note: Be sure to browse our website. It is new as of May 8th, redesigned by The Marketing Twins and it is really cool. Any feedback is also greatly appreciated as we continue to update, maintain, and improve what we now have.

An Offering of Hope

As Teen Lifeline looks for news ways to impact the community we have been given a great opportunity to see a difference made. This spring area schools hosted a speaking program called Rachel’s Challenge. Carroll ISD and Richland High School have hosted this program and have been greatly impacted by the story that is told. After hearing this presentation at RHS I knew that it was something Teen Lifeline wanted to be involved in in the future. Little did I know it would be this soon. In talking to the staff at Rachel’s Challenge, we decided to do a couple of things that fit best for us.
Being a faith based organization ourselves, we decided to go with the faith based side of their organization which is Columbine Redemption. This is the same story but also tells of the faith that has helped the Scott family get through.

Please join us this Saturday for an amazing presentation by Darrell Scott, father to Rachel one of the Columbine victims. We will be at the Richland Hills Church @ 7:00 PM.

If you have a story to share about a connection you have to Columbine share it in the comments. After this weekend I will post how things go and ask for feedback from those of you that attended.

Continuing the pursuit of a Life Lived Better.