Blog
Get a wrap on summer.
School starts Monday for many people (though for some it has already begun). As you think about this past summer and all the activities your teenager participated in, how can you capitalize on how their, and your, time was spent? Many of these activities you didn’t participate in. And your kids are involved in all kinds of different things and in different ways. Whether it is movies, staying with friends (new and old), or summer camp, you need a way to wrap it all up and get the most out of what has happened to you and to them during these couple of months. This weekend is the perfect time to do that.
I was prompted to this idea by an email I got from ParenTeen.com about “How to welcome your teenager home from camp”. Follow the link below to read more of the suggestions they have on how to wrap up your summer well going into this school year.
Bullying
This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking at the iParenting Seminar in North Richland Hills. It was a privilege to work with several other non-profits and 4 school districts, one private school, & a church to put on a seminar for parents dealing with the transition years for their students.
Below are the slides from my presentation. I hope to add audio later to make it more clear what I am talking about but for now hopefully it will help you recognize bullying and if your child is bullied, as well as give you some practical ways to address this issue.
The resources listed are as follows:
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso
Bullying, Then vs Now
(This is a guest post from our Executive Director, Chris Hatchett. It is taken from our most recent newsletter.)
The recent news reports on bullying have been shocking. One day there is a local article about a teen committing suicide in our area. This week the media has been following the case in the Northeast where they are actually indicting the teenagers who did the bullying. Teen Lifeline has great interest in this subject, as it is our goal to help teens on both sides of this issue. Bullying has always been present. The difference is that when I was in school, you could get away from the bullies. Today’s teens have few boundaries. Bullying that starts at school continues via cell phone or social networking. It can seem overwhelming – often leaving teens so helpless that suicide seems like their only way out.
Through our cell groups, Teen Lifeline gives hope to teens, helping them identify resources they can depend on for help – as well as developing the tools they need to cope with the stressors in their lives. In addition, we are working on a specific four-week curriculum that can be taught in churches or schools to help address the anger management issues that often lead to bullying. If you or someone you know is affected by this issue – please contact us. We want to help.
Resource Awareness
I have recently been spending a lot of time researching and locating resources. Specifically in the Fort Worth area. This process has helped me realize that there a lot of people out there needing resources and in many cases the resources are available. The problem is that it is hard to find many of them. Using an internet search leads to a long list of hits and confusing links to weed through.
Because of this I wanted to put out some guidelines I use when searching for resources helpful to teens and families.
1. Use your relationships with people to find resources. This is really the best way. By asking people who have been there (other parents) or people who work in the mental health or rehab field you will quickly find options to contact.
2. Search for related services that might be able to point you in the right direction. For example, you may not need a rehab facility but if you call them, they could refer you to other services. Even something like calling a local hospital may be helpful.
3. Think simple. You don’t have to use clinical terms to find “therapeutic rehabilitation facilities for adolescents”. You can simply search for difficult teen, teen challenge, or dealing with a teen and find resources that may be helpful.
4. Check out the resource. Not everyone is helpful or has been checked out. I recommend calling and/or visiting any resource you find before committing. Along with this I recommend checking out multiple places for comparison sake. You may find that you didn’t think of things to ask until you learn what else could be included.
If you still feel like you aren’t finding what you are looking for, here are some resources I frequently recommend.
ACH Services – Established in 1915, ACH offers lots of options for helping youth and families. Including a 24 hour toll free number 1.888.296.8099.
Sundance Behavioral Health Center – Offer classes for teens and parents on a multitude of issues.
Teen Challenge – A national faith based organization that works especially with drug issues for youth and adults.
You can also refer to our Resources page, as we try to keep this up to date with new resources we find.
For those that read, I recommend Donald Miller’s new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I have not read anything like it in terms of helping you and your teen be intentional with how you live. Be informed, this is not a parenting book, it is a book about paying attention to how we live.
Leave a comment, letting us know how these things help you Live Life Better.
Being a Parent, Teen or Adult
This past Sunday we had our monthly Teen Parent meeting. We dicussed scenes from the MTV show Teen Mom. It is probably worth your time to watch at least the summary episode if you know a teen parent.
The interesting thing to me was that I found many of the things we talked about didn’t just relate to being a parent as a teenager. They were applicable to all parents, the difference for teens is the fact that they have so much life ahead of them.
For example, one thing they talked about centered around relationship problems for these young couples. WOW did that relate to me. I had no idea how much having kids would change the relationship I have with my wife. For many teens, especially the girl, they think that having a baby will give them security in their relationship. What happens too often is the guy realizes how hard having a kid is and without a marriage to be committed to he bails. Oh, he still cares for the baby and senses some responsibility but he is more interested in having someone that will focus on him and not the kids.
This leads to the second thing. I was in agreement at how different guys and girls attatchment to the new baby is. As men we feel a strong love but not nearly what the mom feels. One teen described it as an obligation that is sometimes a lot of fun and sometimes sucks. I can see this and I could definitely see it if I had kids in my teen years. What has to happen no matter when you have kids is to realize this is a choice you made and you have a responsibility to care for your whole family. As a man it is up to me to provide, keep safe, and raise my children to be good caring people and at the same time to continue to cherish my wife as I promised I would in our marriage vows.
The next piece that I noticed hit home more than the rest. It was how selfish some of the teen parents were. They wore their selfishness on their sleeve and had no remorse for saying they have a right to still be a teenager and go out and date, etc. The reality is that once you have kids, no matter what age, you give up your right to be selfish in the same way. You have chosen, like it or not, to be a parent and you are now responsible for another life. It is up to you to take care of that life as a mother and a father. Everything else is out the window.
Some poistives I saw were an emphasis on having a mom and dad. It is so important to have both. Some of these kids ended up where they are because they didn’t have a good model of what a caring loving relationship is. The other thing was encouraging these parents to have good support they can trust. Use that support to take breaks and take time for yourself. Yes this baby is your responsibility but if you don’t take care of yourself you will likely do a poor job caring for the baby as well.
SUMMARY.
- Parenting is the hardest and best thing you will ever do, don’t make it harder by getting pregnant before finishing high school.
- Certainly don’t try to do it alone.
- Be sure the relationship you’re in is able to hold up to being completely turned upside down with the addition of a beautiful new baby.
These are the kind of things that lead to a Life Lived Better, and that’s what we are all about.
To Save a Life Movie
Just a short post with more of a review to come. My wife and I recently had the opportunity to go see the To Save a Life movie. I was somewhat skeptical as it is a low budget film. However, the producers left nothing to be imagined. They tackled tough teen issues and didn’t leave out any of the details.
Here’s the trailer:
As we watched I thought how tough it must be for teenagers to deal with the pressures they do every day. I also thought about how many parents live in denial or are so checked out of their teens life that they have no idea what the teen is going through.
I have encountered many parents that say “They’re really a good kid”, I understand what they mean but I have found myself thinking, “No they aren’t”. No one is naturally good, we have to work at being good every day and teenagers have to be taught how to be good by mentors, parents, teachers, & coaches. If they don’t receive this guidance it makes it tough for them to be a good person as they grow up.
If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t put it off. It is well worth the money and time and movies like this need the support of us as movie goers. Click this link to Fandango to find local times and locations. To Save a Life movie
Welcoming a New Year, not dreading it
Well it has been a couple of months but I finally ran my race. I completed the 13.1 miles in less than 2 ½ hours with some of my closest friends. It was a great experience and I would highly recommend it for any of you thinking about running.
Now that I have had a break from that race and have sunk back into bad habits of eating and not running or exercising, I have realized how easy it is to get back into these bad habits. The reality is our nature is to be lazy and to just let things happen to us. When we do this it simply concedes to whatever other people or situations wish for us. However, if we are intentional with our actions, even forcing ourselves to do things that may but difficult but beneficial, we will live much happier and rewarding lives and even have a stronger impact on the lives of those around us. With that in mind here are my suggestions for goals (because resolutions too often fail) for 2010.
- Do things intentionally. This will help you fell much more in control and not like things just happen to you. If you think about things before they happen, researching the possibilities and acting in an informed manor you will be more successful and productive.
- At TL we are faith based. What this means is that we believe in order to live life better, God must be included in whatever is going on. In addition a relationship with his Son Jesus, has a positive infectious effect on your life. Not only benefiting you, but those around you as well.
- Complain less. I found that complaining while running only made things worse. I focused on how hard it was and it made me want to stop. In life if we focus on the negative it makes it harder for us to keep going. If we instead focus on the positive things, or even look for ways to make things positive, we will be much happier where we are and not always looking for a way out.
This is not an end all for how to live, it is only a start. If you have more suggestions for how you have lived life better, leave a comment. You never know the impact it may have on the person that reads it.
Fields of Faith 2009
I wanted to share briefly about the experience TL was excited to be a part of last night. A group of volunteers from Teen Lifeline gathered with several hundred students at Birdville ISD’s stadium for an evening of refocusing. The event was put on by FCA but was open to any students in the North Tarrant area. The night opened with a worship band that invited the students to let go of the things that were weighing them down by focusing on God and worshiping him. Then several students gave their testimony about how God had worked in their life to show them how He was walking with them and that He would always be there. This was followed by more worship and a speaker. This is where we came in. The speaker, a youth pastor in the area, invited students to go to one of three areas on the football field. One was for students committing to Christ for the first time, the second for those that wanted to recommit, and the third was our area where students could address an issue they are dealing with. It was amazing to see a lot of students wanting to pray about recommitting. It was exciting and actually required us to send over some volunteers to pray with the mass of students wanting to do that. Then students began to come to us. I know was at work because it can’t be easy for these students to come forward and admit what is going on for them. We prayed about everything from pride and self-esteem to cutting and drugs. It was an amazing time and a great way to use the gifts God has given us to pray with the students. The follow up will be happening through local churches so continue to be in prayer about that.
It was an amazing blessing to be a part of such a great night. If you were unable to participate this year, definitely make a note to look for Fields of Faith next year, where ever you are in the U.S. It definitely promotes a life lived better.
The Surprise Hill
About the same time I was feeling good about the hill I had overcome. I started noticing that there was a new hill that was giving me problems. This hill was at the end of our run when I was the most tired and ready to be done.
This gives me two thoughts. One, know when you are good at facing challenges and when you aren’t. When I was facing the other hill at mile 2 or 3 I was able to conquer it. But when I was facing this hill at the end of the run I was struggeling. This applies in life when you are just tired. We are all so busy and just keep going and going. We need to be able to recognize when we need a break. This is what vacation should be about. Not always just going to do something we don’t usually get to do. Sometimes it should be just taking time to relax. Using this time wisely will help reduce the stress that everyday tends to bring.
Second sometimes you have to know when to go another direction. We have decided the last few weeks to avoid this hill and instead go around another way. This is proving to be a good break from something I was beginning to dread. I hope that when we start going that way again I will appreciate the time away and start looking for the good it does me to take on this challenge again.
Take a moment to share a challenge you have overcome or maybe just how you avoid challenges at difficult times. All with the purpose of living life better.
Conquering the Hills
As we started training we realized that we didn’t really have any hills in our route. Which we were fine with but at the same time knew would hurt us if we ran a race where there were hills. So we decided to find some hills to help us with our training. We did and they were killer. I had such a hard time with those hills every time we ran them. Then we started training for another race coming up in November and we ran the hills again. I noticed I didn’t dread the hills as much as I had before. I commented about this to my running partner and he agreed. The more I thought about this I tried to think about how this could apply to helping us live life better.
My take is this. As I ran those hills more and more and ran some hills, bigger and smaller, my body got used to running them and my head realized that I could do it. The deal was it took time and doing something I didn’t want to do over and over again to reap the benefit that I finally got, just this past August. In life I think there are challenges that we face often. Maybe it is a person or a boss or a car that keeps breaking down. There are several things we can realize in this. One that we will get some benefit out of the situation. Whether it is learning to deal with people, submitting to authority, or being able to appreciate a new car even more after dealing with one that has problems all the time. For me it has been facing those challenges head on time after time when I don’t want to and finally reaping the benefit and knowing that I made it through a season or a rough time in my life. This increases my confidence and helps me know even more that I can face the next challenge without breaking.
Share your story of overcoming challenges in the comments. I’m always encouraged by reading about other peoples stories too. I hope you’re encouraged by mine.