Being a Parent, Teen or Adult

This past Sunday we had our monthly Teen Parent meeting. We dicussed scenes from the MTV show Teen Mom. It is probably worth your time to watch at least the summary episode if you know a teen parent.

The interesting thing to me was that I found many of the things we talked about didn’t just relate to being a parent as a teenager. They were applicable to all parents, the difference for teens is the fact that they have so much life ahead of them.

For example, one thing they talked about centered around relationship problems for these young couples. WOW did that relate to me. I had no idea how much having kids would change the relationship I have with my wife. For many teens, especially the girl, they think that having a baby will give them security in their relationship. What happens too often is the guy realizes how hard having a kid is and without a marriage to be committed to he bails. Oh, he still cares for the baby and senses some responsibility but he is more interested in having someone that will focus on him and not the kids.

This leads to the second thing. I was in agreement at how different guys and girls attatchment to the new baby is. As men we feel a strong love but not nearly what the mom feels. One teen described it as an obligation that is sometimes a lot of fun and sometimes sucks. I can see this and I could definitely see it if I had kids in my teen years. What has to happen no matter when you have kids is to realize this is a choice you made and you have a responsibility to care for your whole family. As a man it is up to me to provide, keep safe, and raise my children to be good caring people and at the same time to continue to cherish my wife as I promised I would in our marriage vows.

The next piece that I noticed hit home more than the rest. It was how selfish some of the teen parents were. They wore their selfishness on their sleeve and had no remorse for saying they have a right to still be a teenager and go out and date, etc. The reality is that once you have kids, no matter what age, you give up your right to be selfish in the same way. You have chosen, like it or not, to be a parent and you are now responsible for another life. It is up to you to take care of that life as a mother and a father. Everything else is out the window.

Some poistives I saw were an emphasis on having a mom and dad. It is so important to have both. Some of these kids ended up where they are because they didn’t have a good model of what a caring loving relationship is. The other thing was encouraging these parents to have good support they can trust. Use that support to take breaks and take time for yourself. Yes this baby is your responsibility but if you don’t take care of yourself you will likely do a poor job caring for the baby as well.

SUMMARY.

• Parenting is the hardest and best thing you will ever do, don’t make it harder by getting pregnant before finishing high school.
• Certainly don’t try to do it alone.
• Be sure the relationship you’re in is able to hold up to being completely turned upside down with the addition of a beautiful new baby.

These are the kind of things that lead to a Life Lived Better, and that’s what we are all about.

To Save a Life Movie

Just a short post with more of a review to come. My wife and I recently had the opportunity to go see the To Save a Life movie. I was somewhat skeptical as it is a low budget film. However, the producers left nothing to be imagined. They tackled tough teen issues and didn’t leave out any of the details.

Here’s the trailer:

As we watched I thought how tough it must be for teenagers to deal with the pressures they do every day. I also thought about how many parents live in denial or are so checked out of their teens life that they have no idea what the teen is going through.

I have encountered many parents that say “They’re really a good kid”, I understand what they mean but I have found myself thinking, “No they aren’t”. No one is naturally good, we have to work at being good every day and teenagers have to be taught how to be good by mentors, parents, teachers, & coaches. If they don’t receive this guidance it makes it tough for them to be a good person as they grow up.

If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t put it off. It is well worth the money and time and movies like this need the support of us as movie goers. Click this link to Fandango to find local times and locations. To Save a Life movie

Welcoming a New Year, not dreading it

Well it has been a couple of months but I finally ran my race. I completed the 13.1 miles in less than 2 ½ hours with some of my closest friends. It was a great experience and I would highly recommend it for any of you thinking about running.

Now that I have had a break from that race and have sunk back into bad habits of eating and not running or exercising, I have realized how easy it is to get back into these bad habits. The reality is our nature is to be lazy and to just let things happen to us. When we do this it simply concedes to whatever other people or situations wish for us. However, if we are intentional with our actions, even forcing ourselves to do things that may but difficult but beneficial, we will live much happier and rewarding lives and even have a stronger impact on the lives of those around us. With that in mind here are my suggestions for goals (because resolutions too often fail) for 2010.

- Do things intentionally. This will help you fell much more in control and not like things just happen to you. If you think about things before they happen, researching the possibilities and acting in an informed manor you will be more successful and productive.
- At TL we are faith based. What this means is that we believe in order to live life better, God must be included in whatever is going on. In addition a relationship with his Son Jesus, has a positive infectious effect on your life. Not only benefiting you, but those around you as well.
- Complain less. I found that complaining while running only made things worse. I focused on how hard it was and it made me want to stop. In life if we focus on the negative it makes it harder for us to keep going. If we instead focus on the positive things, or even look for ways to make things positive, we will be much happier where we are and not always looking for a way out.

This is not an end all for how to live, it is only a start. If you have more suggestions for how you have lived life better, leave a comment. You never know the impact it may have on the person that reads it.

Fields of Faith 2009

I wanted to share briefly about the experience TL was excited to be a part of last night. A group of volunteers from Teen Lifeline gathered with several hundred students at Birdville ISD’s stadium for an evening of refocusing. The event was put on by FCA but was open to any students in the North Tarrant area. The night opened with a worship band that invited the students to let go of the things that were weighing them down by focusing on God and worshiping him. Then several students gave their testimony about how God had worked in their life to show them how He was walking with them and that He would always be there. This was followed by more worship and a speaker. This is where we came in. The speaker, a youth pastor in the area, invited students to go to one of three areas on the football field. One was for students committing to Christ for the first time, the second for those that wanted to recommit, and the third was our area where students could address an issue they are dealing with. It was amazing to see a lot of students wanting to pray about recommitting. It was exciting and actually required us to send over some volunteers to pray with the mass of students wanting to do that. Then students began to come to us. I know was at work because it can’t be easy for these students to come forward and admit what is going on for them. We prayed about everything from pride and self-esteem to cutting and drugs. It was an amazing time and a great way to use the gifts God has given us to pray with the students. The follow up will be happening through local churches so continue to be in prayer about that.

It was an amazing blessing to be a part of such a great night. If you were unable to participate this year, definitely make a note to look for Fields of Faith next year, where ever you are in the U.S. It definitely promotes a life lived better.

The Surprise Hill

About the same time I was feeling good about the hill I had overcome. I started noticing that there was a new hill that was giving me problems. This hill was at the end of our run when I was the most tired and ready to be done.
This gives me two thoughts. One, know when you are good at facing challenges and when you aren’t. When I was facing the other hill at mile 2 or 3 I was able to conquer it. But when I was facing this hill at the end of the run I was struggeling. This applies in life when you are just tired. We are all so busy and just keep going and going. We need to be able to recognize when we need a break. This is what vacation should be about. Not always just going to do something we don’t usually get to do. Sometimes it should be just taking time to relax. Using this time wisely will help reduce the stress that everyday tends to bring.
Second sometimes you have to know when to go another direction. We have decided the last few weeks to avoid this hill and instead go around another way. This is proving to be a good break from something I was beginning to dread. I hope that when we start going that way again I will appreciate the time away and start looking for the good it does me to take on this challenge again.

Take a moment to share a challenge you have overcome or maybe just how you avoid challenges at difficult times. All with the purpose of living life better.

Conquering the Hills

As we started training we realized that we didn’t really have any hills in our route. Which we were fine with but at the same time knew would hurt us if we ran a race where there were hills. So we decided to find some hills to help us with our training. We did and they were killer. I had such a hard time with those hills every time we ran them. Then we started training for another race coming up in November and we ran the hills again. I noticed I didn’t dread the hills as much as I had before. I commented about this to my running partner and he agreed. The more I thought about this I tried to think about how this could apply to helping us live life better.
My take is this. As I ran those hills more and more and ran some hills, bigger and smaller, my body got used to running them and my head realized that I could do it. The deal was it took time and doing something I didn’t want to do over and over again to reap the benefit that I finally got, just this past August. In life I think there are challenges that we face often. Maybe it is a person or a boss or a car that keeps breaking down. There are several things we can realize in this. One that we will get some benefit out of the situation. Whether it is learning to deal with people, submitting to authority, or being able to appreciate a new car even more after dealing with one that has problems all the time. For me it has been facing those challenges head on time after time when I don’t want to and finally reaping the benefit and knowing that I made it through a season or a rough time in my life. This increases my confidence and helps me know even more that I can face the next challenge without breaking.
Share your story of overcoming challenges in the comments. I’m always encouraged by reading about other peoples stories too. I hope you’re encouraged by mine.

What I’ve learned about life from running

I never really thought I’d write something like this. Especially since I hate running. I know hate is a strong word but that’s pretty much how I feel. So why do I run? So I can eat what I want, comradory, and the feeling of accomplishment after finishing a race.
My reasons for running make it hard to come up with life applications. Every time I run I just focus on finishing (a blog for later). All that said here is the first thing I’ve goten out of it.
The more you run the easier it gets. How does this apply? Well in life, the more you experince and the longer you live the more you realize what is important. The more you start to put those things at the forefront of what you focus on.
I have now been running for about 3 years. When I started I could barely make it 2 or 3 miles. The thought of 13.1 miles made me almost sick. But as I worked up and added 1 mile at a time I realized that building gradually I was able to handle the amount of running I had set out to do. In life I’ve seen the same thing. Some people are forced to grow up more quickly causing them to not be able to handle their life quite as easily as if it hadn’t been rushed. I was one of those people. I had to be the man of the house starting in 9th grade. This has caused some problems, both in my relationship with my siblings and now with my own wife and kids. You see what happened was I was forced into a position I was not prepared for and learned to be “the man” in the wrong way. Now some of those wrong ways of handling parenting still exist and I am having to unlearn them and learn the way that my kids need me to be their parent.
In my running I am now able to say I miss it when I don’t get to run and I even say “I’m only running 5 today”, something I never thought I’d say. As I’ve increased mileage I’ve also increased in confidence and have learned that I can run that far. As I grow and mature I’ve learned that I can be who I need to be and that it takes being willing to learn that a little at a time to accomplish being able to keep moving toward the finish without killing myself.
This is only the beginning of what I have learned. I’ll be posting more. Please leave comments, especially ones that promote a Life Lived Better.

New, Exciting news

Teen Lifeline is excited to annonce a new additon to our staff. As of August 15th Chris Hatchett has joined Teen Lifeline as our Executive Director. Having previously served on the TL board, Chris is a welcome additon and will help Teen Lifeline better focus on helping teenagers in our community.

Chris brings 20 years of ministry experience and a passion for helping families in the North Tarrant community and beyond. He has worked with the Richland Hills Church of Christ as Youth Minister and more recently as Spiritual Formation Minister. His role in that and as our Executive Director will complement each other as he is able to utilize resources from both arenas.

Chris is married and has 3 kids of his own. His oldest being a senior and the youngest starting 5th grade this year. He has a lot of life experience to bring to the table to help others deal with the different stages in life.

As we press on Chris hopes to expand our vision and help us accomplish our goal of helping all kinds of teenagers in this community. This will happen through our programs, research, and networking, but also by being accesible to those that need him. If you would like to contact him please call the Teen Lifeline office or email him at hatch@lifelivedbetter.org. You can also read more about him on our staff page by clicking TL Staff.

Help me welcome Chris as we all seek to help teenagers Live Life Better.

Where is your worth found?

This really doesn’t need a lot of introduction. If you have 6 minutes it is well worth your time. If you have a daughter, like I do, it is even more worth your time. As you watch think about how you would share with your daughter, or a daughter you know, the importance of realizing where your worth lies. It is not in how you look, or how popular you are, but rather it is found in something, or someone, outside yourself.

The video disappeared from YouTube but you can find it through the link below.

I AM SECOND – ASHLEY

Don’t let what the world holds up as most important be what drives you. Find something more important and use it as your motivation to be who you know you should be. Let that be what helps you Live Life Better.

Leave a comment about what you think about the video or about what it is that helps you know who you are. Who knows maybe it will help someone else as well.

New times, New Baby

Two things are really on my mind right now.

1. We have a new baby. She will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. We already had 2 boys who we love and are the best ever but she completes our desire in having kids by being our baby girl. It reminds me of a couple of things. First, how much being a parent is about being selfless. I am reminded every day how much I have to give to take care of my kids, not because I have to but because I choose to and I love them more than I want to do what I want to do. Second, it is tough. I don’t want to be selfless all of the time. Sometimes (okay a lot) I want to do what I want to do. It is hard sometimes to remember that I don’t get to do that anymore and so I keep giving, again because I want to, not because I am being made to.

2. Our world is changing so fast. Things always change a lot, but we really are in a time when things are really changing. From MySpace to Facebook to Twitter and hundreds more, our world is so saturated with information and messages sometimes it is hard to filter through it all. This is not about finding out how to do that, but a suggestion to parents to make sure that you set the foundation for your kids before they start (which is very early). As a parent our job is to be proactive in helping our kids grow up. If we give them nothing before they jump into the world of media, we will fail because they will be so overwhelmed. The foundation must be set starting at day one. To do this you must know what your foundation is and then pass it on.

As you read through this you problem thought about the first moments with one of your kids and hopefully about what your foundation is. Share those thoughts and memories and help the rest of us work harder at better ourselves for the good of our kids.