Things are bad, real bad. We see more of the bad in the world today than at any point in history. With 24 hour news and social media reporting every thing that happens within seconds, it is impossible to get away from the negative. People in poor nations see what it’s like too have to much. American teens think they deserve a diploma, degree, or job.

I have often said I would not want to be a teenager today. School is harder, families are broken, the future is uncertain. Stress is higher today for most of us than it has been in a long time or maybe ever.

Generally the outlook on life is just plain bad.

Or is it??

As we listen to teens in our support groups, we find they are embracing their world. Stressed? Certainly. Confused? Absolutely. And yet they are embracing the world they live in. This embrace contributes to much of the stress and confusion. They are recognizing that life is not fair and there are a lot of injustices in the world. The problem is they don’t know what to do with what they see. They have the energy and momentum to make things right; they simply lack direction much of the time.

This is where Teen Lifeline comes in. Our support groups offer a safe place where teens can be heard. We listen and offer a new perspective. We talk about resources, stress management, goal setting, and positive relationships. Our goal is to offer them resources and support to make their world a better place.

One example of this happened in our teen parents program. I was leading a discussion about parenting skills and the group told me no one had talked to them about parenting skills. Seriously? Honestly, I was not that surprised but it was definitely something that needed to be corrected. Since then we have been focusing on parenting skills to help them parent in ways that will positively shape their kids.

In our support groups, teens often express how unhappy they are with how their parents handle things. This is not new, I felt the same way at times. What they need though is to take steps toward something better. If they don’t, it will be too easy to fall into the same pattern. Teens need to know there are good options and how to move toward them.

Will you consider partnering with us as we try to meet kids and students where they are and use the momentum they bring to help them have a life lived better?

Since I began working with teens I have observed how they see things. Unfortunately it is not that different then how we see them as adults. We tend to focus on the negative aspect of a situation which leaves us frustrated, stressed, and many times unable to move.

In conversations when I have been able to talk through how a scenario will be presented I always recommend a similar action. Start with a positive. This can change a whole conversation. Obviously there are no guarantees for how a person will hear what you say but you want to present the best possible perspective regardless of how bad things really are. Here’s how to do that.

Evaluate the situation:

Write down or think about what you know. Don’t dwell on the unknown or what you think might happen. Even if it is an educated guess there is at least a small chance the outcome will be very different.

Come up with possible solutions:

Sometimes the answer is out of your hands but discovering solutions to the problem shows you are invested in and willing to work on figuring out what needs to happen.

Approach the person or people with the positive first:

Here’s an example. You could say, “I know you are not going to like what I’m going to tell you. You will probably get really mad and punish me.” and then tell them the news. The alternative to this is “I have something tough to tell you but I wanted you to hear it from me and know I have some ideas for how to work it out….” then fill them in. This is a much more positive way to handle sharing difficult news. It lets the person know you value them enough to tell them yourself and that you are not expecting them to come up with a solution on their own. You are telling them up front you are invested in helping correct the error.

This type of approach can be applied to many different situations. Telling a boss about a project gone bad, a teen telling their parents they are pregnant, telling the person you borrowed the car from you wrecked it. It is up to you but the next time you are faced with the responsibility to communicate a tough message think about how you could start with a positive.

This is just one way to handle a tough situation, what is a way you have seen that works well?

This particular event, hosted by S.P.A.R.K.(Students and Parents Against Risks to Kids), was prompted by students at Carroll Senior High. They had a close friend die by suicide. This prompted them to seek out help for themselves and their peers.

This video from NBCDFW explains a little more.

A problem as big as this has many pieces to the solution. The students decided they wanted an event but more importantly an ongoing answer to where to get help. This is where we came in.

The presenter for Grant Halliburton was Vanita Halliburton, mother to Grant for whom the foundation was started. She did a great job of outlining warning signs as well as suggestions for addressing these issues. These tools are invaluable to parents and I would encourage you to visit their website to read more or contact us for a brochure with more details.

The thing that stood out to me toward the end of her presentation was a list of ways to help prevent suicidal thoughts. These included exercise, eating right, sleep, even sunshine. I don’t know if her list was in a particular order but number 1 was Connectedness.

This stuck out to me for 3 reasons. Reasons that drive much of what we do in our support groups. These help us stay focused. Seeing it in a list to help prevent suicide reinforced the importance of being connected.

1. Connectedness effects us every day. There are multiple examples of this and I don’t have time to cover them all here but here are a couple of them I think matter.

• Connection to the right people.
• Connection to the wrong people.
• Connection to something meaningful.
• Connection to a way to grow.

2. Connectedness opens our eyes to a bigger picture. Getting out & connecting helps us see that there are others struggling too. Then we can begin to find solutions and move forward.

3. Connectedness allows us to better other peoples lives. The Teen Lifeline slogan is Life Lived Better. If we never connect with teenagers in need of this hope, we cease to exist. For students this can be an affirmation of why they are alive. Not only do they need people but people need them.

Now the conversation has been started. It is up to us as a community in Southlake, in Tarrant County, in the DFW Metroplex, in Texas and beyond to connect and make a difference by helping and inviting help.

What connections do you have that I don’t? Part of getting connected is sharing resources. Check our resource page for places we recommend then take time to comment and tell us who else we need to connect with.

Though some of you got a letter informing you of what this year has held for Teen Lifeline, I wanted to recap a few things and put them on our blog to make it easy for you to share.

If you did not get a letter about how things have gone be sure to sign up for our mailing list online or by emailing us your address.

Regardless, here are just a few of the things we are excited about from this year:

• We had our 4th annual Family Fun Run/Walk 5K. It was our best one yet. You can read more about it on our website or see pictures on Facebook.
• This year we have been able to work with over 500 students. That is 200 more than last year. We are so excited about building relationships with students and helping them make better choices.
• New opportunities for helping students have come our way in the form of some crisis situations. Not glad these things happened but we are glad we could be there to help. We also have been able to go back to working with the North Richland Hills Juvenile Court. In addition we are exploring new possibilities in other courts and schools.

Of course the real excitement is seeing students make decisions that will change their life. The above picture is from our Teen Parents Christmas Party where about 40 parents and kids were served by our amazing TL Board. We enjoyed dinner and thanks to some amazing donations had the chance for each family to get multiple gifts for their kiddos. Everyone was so excited!

As part of the evening I let the parents know about resources available to them at The Hills Church of Christ. Parenting Classes and an upcoming Men’s Conference with Jon Kitna. As people were getting ready to leave 4 or 5 of the dads wanted to talk to me specifically about the Men’s Conference. What an amazing opportunity to get to tell them how Jon will share his faith and wisdom on how to life a better life. Of course I also emphasized that they would have the opportunity to eat some great food and play games.

We thank God for times like this when we see how our efforts really can make an impact. We are excited that we have been blessed financially this past year. Though this is true, we rely on continuing financial support for us to keep helping students make better choices.

As this year comes to a close it is a great time to donate toward our 2012 budget. We have almost reached our goal of $20,000 this end of year to help cover the expenses related to providing resources and support for teens. Would you help us get there with a one-time gift? Or if you prefer to help with our future vision and goals we are looking for monthly supporters. These funds will support our new full-time Program Director and his efforts to expand our programs as well as new opportunities to help students that we hope to share early next year.

Donating is simple. You can go to our Giving page or click on the link below. Both PayPal and Razoo should allow you to make a one-time donation or set up a recurring amount that works for you. (If you prefer you can also mail us a check at 6250 NE Loop 820, N. Richland Hills, TX 76180.)

Thank each of you for your support whatever that looks like. We couldn’t do what we do without you.

May you have a blessed holiday season and I pray 2013 is full of ways for you to live life better!

The Gathering is a house church plant in Burleson, TX. To find out more about their meeting go to their Facebook page by clicking on the logo to the left.

Paul Mitchell the school Dallas is a cosmetology and esthetician school in Carrollton, TX. You can find out more by clicking the logo.

Trinity Orthopedics and Trinity Rehab is a physicians group offering specialized orthopedic services to the Fort Worth area.

For all your contracting and remodeling needs click the logo. Scott Beck construction is glad to offer great work and great customer service.

Lending Edge Mortgage is the place to get more for your mortgage. To find out about service Rich Hebert offers through Lending Edge, click the logo to the left.

In addition to these great sponsors we have several sponsors that have donated food and give aways and we are equally appreciative of their support. These sponsors can be found on our 2012 5K shirt. Here is an example for your viewing pleasure.

If you are interested in sponsoring our event in the future please contact me, Ricky Lewis, Executive Director. We love having new organizations on board. Not just for the support but also for the partnership and changed lives that come from expanding our reach.

“I am honored to introduce to you Allison B. Lewis. Allison is a mom, accountant, mentor, blogger and…my wife. We have been married for almost 11 years and I am so blessed by her. I wanted to take this opportunity to share a post she launched last week. She puts into words why Teen Lifeline does what we do. You can read more from her on her blog at DeepRollingRightField.Blogspot.com. This is also a great opportunity for you to make a donation to our 4th Annual 5K Run/Walk and help us reach our goal so we can keep reaching teens.”

This week I’ve been mad.
Really mad.
Maybe more mad than I have ever been before.
Because when I think about all the hurt, the lack of resources for people that are hurting, how the choices of one person can impact generation after generation…
I GET MAD.

Lately my frustration has been pretty narrowly focused.
I HATE DRUGS.

And more than that, I hate when people are left in situations where they think drug abuse is their only choice.
A life that has been paved for them of sorrow, poverty, frustration, isolation, hopelessness.
And when an escape is offered, when drugs are offered, the choice seems simple.
Honestly, in the particular situation I’m closest to, I can see how they got there.  I can see why they feel trapped in a cycle that started generations before them.  I can see how they might think they’ll never have more.  I can see how they might think it is too late for anything better.

And I get mad.

Unfortunately I’ve seen first hand how hard it is to find resources for someone who is already in too deep.  I BELIEVE in MIRACLES.  And that’s a good thing, because that’s about the only hope for someone who has already chosen the life of an addict.  It shouldn’t have to get to that point.  It should be possible to help someone choose something different. Whether it is because someone should have told them. Or because they would not hear.  I wish they had seen the choice. Sooner.

And I get mad.
I want all seven of these faces to know they DO have a choice.  No matter what came before them.  No matter what the world tells them.  No matter how hard life is.  THEY can choose.

Sometimes when I get mad, I do something about it. But many times, I don’t.

The thing is, I’m married to someone who does something about it.  Every day.  He has chosen a profession in which he immerses himself in the lives of teenagers for one purpose.  To tell them SOONER.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
You have a choice to live.life.better.
He works for Teen Lifeline.  A non-profit organization that tells teenagers “we will help provide you some tools to make that choice.”

When a freshman in high school was killed in a tragic lake accident this last Labor Day weekend
Teen Lifeline was there to tell teachers, students, parents- YOU have a choice.  This is hard.  Really hard.  But YOU get to decide how you walk through grief and how it impacts your life going forward.  Let us help you walk.

When students come to the local alternative school, they sometimes feel like they’ve already been pegged as hopeless.  But Teen Lifeline is there to tell them…YOU have a choice.  Let us help you make that choice through peer support groups.

When teen aged parents make a difficult decision that their child deserves to LIVE, Lifeline is there.  They provide resources for young parents who might see the situation as hopeless.  To hopefully provide a different start for that new life.  To maybe start paving a path for that baby to make choices someday to live their own life better.

And what’s more, Lifeline helps provide resources on social media, talking to your students about tough topics, and offers insightful seminars to discuss current information so that parents can also help make it clear to their kids- You DO have a choice.

And maybe, just maybe.  Of all of the teenagers encountered, at least a few will say
“I’m going to choose something different.  Something better.  I DO have a choice.”
Maybe a few will have opportunities to make those choices before its too late.
And when a student hasn’t heard that at home, at school, or in their community,
maybe Teen Lifeline is the only voice.

Would you help Teen Lifeline provide a choice?
Would you consider sponsoring our family team this month as we walk/jog/run together to raise money for this organization?

ABL   If you would like to support Teen Lifeline and their efforts to provide a choice, here is the link to our fundraising page: TEAM LEWIS! Or, if you can’t contribute monitarily right now, would you consider passing along the link so that others can fight with us?

As your teenager joins the club and begins to navigate into this social sea of digital profiles there are some things you do not want to take for granted and definitely want to talk to them about. I have seen all of these safety issues violated by students that should know better. Even more so by students whose parents should know better. Hopefully, you won’t be one of them.

Facebook is ever changing and will continue to do so. This post will be off a bit just months after it goes live. Since that is true I’m posting more general ideas then specific details about how to do these things. If you read something here and don’t know how to get it done Facebook has a good help page and YouTube is a great resource.

So here goes:

1. Who will see your post? Most of us think that is will be our friends. But what if they repost it? Or if they just like it? Then their friends can also see what you sent and you don’t necessarily know them.

2. Never post personal information. Posting your address, phone, or any other personally identifiable information other than your name is just not a good idea.

3. Post after the fact. You don’t have to post something immediately. Just wait a few days to share that favorite meal or vacation time.

4. Turn off location services. There are just too many reasons not to use this to leave it on. Yes you have the benefit of knowing who is there with you but if they are real friends you will know that anyway. Don’t risk it.

5. Assume what you post will NEVER go away. Even if you delete a post, there is the possibility that someone copied it before you hit the button and then it is out of your hands. I actually have a screen shot of names and phones numbers of people I don’t know (and they don’t know I have it) because they posted them on a status of someone I am friends with.

6. Targeted marketing. Remember that any information you enter into Facebook is potentially used to market to you. I noticed this when I posted about having computer problems and the “sponsored ad” was for computer repair. That was 2 years ago. This is how Facebook makes money so keep that in mind as you post.

7. If you aren’t on it, don’t. This seems silly with 1 Billion users but if you aren’t there you aren’t missing much, seriously. There is the very real possibility that FB will go away and something else will replace it anyway. You can consider jumping on then.

30Hope this helps and that you think about applying these safety tips to all social media usage. I know the more I read the scarier it becomes but being smart goes a long way.

What tips would you add to this list about how to be safe using Facebook?

Many times we get in a hurry and try to fix things with a quick solution not thinking about what the consequences are.  I think this happens because people tend to be short sighted, I know I am. It often takes a long time to see the new problem but it is there regardless.

I recently watched an episode of River Monsters that explained this well. The host was in Papa New Guinea because humans were being attacked by something in the water. The locals had no idea what it was. One of the attacks even ended in a fatality. The host figured out that the problem was a fish that had been introduced 15 years earlier to the lake to help there be enough fish for people to eat. Over time this fish adapted and went from a vegetarian to a meat eater in order to survive. It is note worthy that this fish is a cousin to the Piranha. Little did people know 15 years before that their attempt to add fish to the lake for people to eat would end up eating them.

Here are some suggestions for keeping this from happening in your business, family, or life.

1. Be Patient – Patients helps you consider what issues may arrise. You can’t possibly think of them all but at least you won’t rush into a decision you will regret later.

2. Do a Test – This is not always possible but if you can it will be invaluable. Find a way to test the solution before implementing it fully. I think of the directions on spray cleaners that often say “Try on a small hidden area first”. Good advice from a spray cleaner.

3. Commit - I have found in my own life that the “if only” comment or mindset only brings discouragement. When making a decision I need to be willing to commit fully and if problems arise address them. Being committed helps you move forward. Constantly wishing things were different leaves you stuck.

4. Unnecessary Change - Consider the possibility that things don’t need to change. Maybe it is the way you are handling a situation that needs adjustment rather than the issue itself. My sons pediatrician pointed out that we all have habits. If I don’t want my son to suck his thumb he may start biting his nails. I have to decide which is worse. Sometimes we assume we need change. I can choose to handle the problem a different way and it may keep a worse issue from arising.

I hope this helps you think a little more before jumping to a solution that could end up bringing a bigger problem. I would love to hear your experience with a solution that caused problems or a way you would add that could keep that problem from happening. Join the conversation below.

What is a way to slow down the solution process in a positive way to avoid causing new problems?

This post is for the teens but should help parents as well. Reality is seeing the other persons side is often the hardest part of relationships. Understanding what teens may be trying to do will help parents interact more positively too.

The most common complaints or frustrations I hear are about how parent complain about behavior. Sometimes it has to do with parents not listening and others with them not even giving an opportunity for their teen to explain.

If you are a teen here is what you need to do if you find yourself caught in a situation like that with your parent(s).

1. Wait for the right time. This may be difficult depending on how much your parent works or other factors. But it will come. Sometimes you can help make it the right time. Get them their favorite treat, drink, or sit and watch their favorite show with them. The effort you put in will be worth it when the result is a positive conversation.

2. Do things before you are asked. I know this doesn’t sound great because you are still doing what they want. The thing is if you get annoyed because they bug you to mow the lawn or clean your room it is worth it. If you do it before they ask the chore will be done without the annoying argument or fight. You both win. Seriously, when was the last time you argued about something they wanted done and you didn’t end up doing it anyway?

3. Don’t push their buttons. Oh you know what I mean. It is so easy to know how to do this. The fact that you know this emphasizes how close you are to your parents. The thing it doesn’t mean is you are in control. Though you do get a sense of control when using this knowledge ultimately it can cause more problems for you then the sense of power you feel. Instead, realize the reason these buttons exist and try to focus on ways to work with them on that.

4. Don’t let them push yours. Forget what I just said about controlling them because the opposite is true when it is you. They know how to push your buttons too. The difference is you get to decide if you will allow this or not. The reason they push your buttons is because you have allowed buttons to be created that can be pushed. I hope that makes sense. Here is the point, if you don’t have buttons to push you won’t get bothered as easy. With less stress comes more positive attitude.

5. Think ahead. This is likely the hardest one. I know I didn’t do this in high school. The thing is it really is up  to you. If you can do this one little thing it will save a lot of time wasted being upset with each other.

I know you can’t keep every argument from happening and not all parents are always reasonable. My hope is that you can use these or maybe a variation of them to help make things just a little better between you and your parents.

What are other ways you can deal with parents in a positive way?